How do we rationalize what is worth fighting for when it comes to a job? How do we rationalize the difference between emotional needs and professional needs? Are they the same? Do we need emotional fulfillment at the same time as professional fulfillment? Is it the same when working in another country, to think you have the same value as you would at home? Does your value change that drastically?

It’s hard for  me to fully answers these questions right now, and to decide what is worth discussing with my boss at this time. If it were a situation back in my home country, I wouldn’t have an issue being able to answer these questions, but being in a foreign country, it is very different. Is it okay to fight for the same classes we once taught when schedules change? Is that really okay when they’re tentatively given to another teacher? Another teacher had previously fought to keep one of hers, but in the next month it was given to a different teacher despite her fighting to keep it. She was able to have for a single month. Did it then, in the end, make it really worth fighting for? She had even mentioned that she was feeling defeated, that the fight wasn’t worth it – it just wasn’t worth arguing with the director to keep the classes anymore. She’s become defeatist in this sense – a passive teacher who will simply do as she’s told, and then vent and complain about the issues to us. It is a difficult position to be in, as though we will never truly win or gain anything from these changes that seem to be constantly playing against us. How do you win and get what you want, when you know getting what you want is only temporary, and will likely be lost in the end? It seems inevitable, doesn’t it? It seems like a temporary victory, like war. You win the battle, but the war rages on. It’s a difficult balance, and you really have to pick the ones that matter the most.

I never really thought I’d find myself in quite the predicament I currently find myself in lately. I knew I’d find a career, I knew I’d always be under some level of stress, but I never really thought I’d feel like I’d be in the mids of a never ending war, where the end is only seen by the completion of a contract, or admitting defeat (due to physical health problems), and quitting. It’s exhausting and stressful.

The first week to the new year, is not off to a good start. I hope that the rest of the year will be better; that things will have some way of getting better. I will try to be optimistic in all this, to try to see the light and convince myself that it isn’t going to be the worst that it can be.

I know there will be a point that I may have to say no. When that time comes, I’ll do it.

Anyway, I hope that every one has had a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! I would have done an entire post wishing everyone just those things, but unfortunately due to health issues, I was unable to do so. I really do hope that everyone has had a wonderful Christmas, and everyone was able to celebrate their New Year just as they wanted to.