I’m having this odd feeling once again. It’s not a feeling that everything feels wrong, but it’s a feeling that once again I’d rather be doing something else. I enjoy teaching, I really, honestly do enjoy teaching. However, as I’m writing for NaNoWriMo, I’m realizing how much more I’d rather be dedicating my time to writing instead of teaching. Once again. I’d rather be taking classes, and learning a new language. It’s not a matter of shirking responsibility, I’m completely accepting of taking responsibility, it’s just the type of responsibility I want to take.

I love teaching. I enjoy discussing language, analyzing literature, and really getting into the nitty gritty of novels, dissecting well written characters, plot developments, and how things turned out for them; why things happened, etc. I could go on and on. I love doing that. I love discussing what makes a book so well written, and why another is so poorly written. I enjoy editing written work, providing constructive criticism and feedback. I enjoy offering alternative sentences and suggestions. When it comes down to it, I love teaching, but I think I’m teaching the wrong thing.

I think, if I’m completely honest with myself, my ideal career would be an author, who also happened to teach writing workshops. I would help people with their drafts, help them understand the difference between something that is poorly written, and something that is well written. I would help them expand their vocabulary through a number of different exercises, and I would help them get passed writers block. I can think of multiple different writing exercises that can help people get passed writers block, and I know a lot of different things to help writers just start writing. There’s just so much I would love to do.

The thing is, in order to have something like that, I’d still need enough income to live off of, or at least some kind of income. Ideally, I’d write during the day, have an afternoon workshop, and then maybe have an evening workshop as well. Maybe have them twice a week? Okay, I have to stop planning my career on wordpress.

Moving on.

It’s not that I’m unhappy with my job at the moment. I just find I’m enjoying writing so much more, and I’m enjoying learning so much more. I actually prefer the idea of being a student, and staying home and writing than going in to work. I still love teaching, and I don’t want to disregard my love for teaching. It’s just, the days are feeling longer, and I’m having trouble managing time to get the things I need to get done along with the things that have to get done (making meals, going to classes before work etc.), with getting the things done that make me happy (writing, and knitting). It’s all becoming very pressed. I’m wishing I had more time to do the latter, but it’s very hard. Too many things demand my time, and I also need to sleep and get over this blasted illness that has taken over (if you’ve ever had a nasty cold that affects your sleep, and also prevents you from hearing, and I mean really hearing, then you would know how hard this is…everything is muffled and I can barely hear anyone, so teaching right now is an absolute burden, so I guess that’s contributing).

Okay, I think I’ve gone on enough.

I’m a little under where I should be for my word count this month, which isn’t too promising. I’m going to try to knock out a few days with a higher word count to catch up, and keep writing each day. I’m hoping that will help a lot. It’s been hard finding more than 40 minutes to write in one day, and staying up after work just hasn’t been an option (the whole being quite ill thing is really affecting me). So, it’s been rather difficult. I’m taking what time I can at work to try to get some writing done, usually in between classes (assuming I’m caught up on what I need to get done for the day). I’m even trying to get ahead of some things just so I can do some writing. Unfortunately, there are some things I can’t get ahead.

Either way, I am trying. My life would be so much easier if I had more time to write though. I’ll get to 50,000 words. I’m determined.

Once I’m done, I’m motivated to start editing everything. I have a feeling there’s going to be quite a bit I’ll be adding in, and quite a bit I’ll be fixing up. I’m not doubting that. I think over the course of my time here, I’m going to have it ready for publishers by the time I get back. I’m convinced that it will be ready to go. When I get back to Canada, I want to have it ready to be taken seriously. I’m hoping someone will take it, and that it will help me get a foot in the door. I’m going to start reaching out to a few people I know in the industry (I don’t know a lot), but just see what they might have to say. Send out emails; the whole deal. That’s the plan.

Anyway, happy NaNoWriMo! Keep it up everyone!